Regain Ownership of your Day: Overcome the Hidden Drains of Leadership

There is a hidden reason why over 50% leaders are so exhausted: core leadership behaviors are inherently draining. Without the awareness about how leadership is depleting, leaders don’t realize why they feel drained and what to do about it.

Based on the results of my CEO study, I uncovered the top five leadership drains. The number one drain CEOs experience is: a loss of control over their day and schedule. There is a misperception that executives have full control over their days, but that’s not true. In reality, leaders must be incredibly intentional to create space.

Here’s what a lack of control could look like on a daily basis:

• Back-to-back meetings with no transition time, particularly for virtual meetings

• Spending too much time focused on the wrong things that don’t advance the business, such as: preventable errors, unnecessary disruptions, or inconsequential problems

• Being pulled in multiple directions at once

• Directing time and energy to unproductive meetings or low value, low impact tasks

No wonder the majority of leaders are so sapped at the end of each day! By becoming conscious of the psychological mechanisms and drains, leaders can learn how regulate their inner resources to overcome them.

Top Five Leadership Drains:

1. Lack of Job control

As mentioned above, CEOs can experience a lack of control over their job and schedule. This includes: an overbooked calendar with back-to-back meetings, disruptions caused by preventable errors, engaging in low value tasks and meetings, and external factors causing negative impacts to the work.

2. Emotional Labor

CEOs shared that they often show emotions that do not reflect how they actually feel, which in psychology is called “emotional labor.” Emotional labor is a continuous requirement for effective leadership in organizations.

To illustrate this: think about a really challenging time in your life. Think about the emotions you portrayed to the world versus the emotions you felt inside. Usually, in those times, the two are different.

When leaders choose to display different emotions than how they feel in service of their goals and to keep motivation high, it is incredibly draining. Unfortunately, we often don’t consider this disconnect. With more awareness, you can better support yourself.

3. Unproductive or Negative Mindsets of Others

 Leaders regularly deal with others who exhibit unproductive mindsets. Negative, fixed, or selfish mindsets of others, including team members, the Board, analysts, and employees are energy depleting.

Examples of counterproductive mindsets shared include:

• When others are focused on their own agenda rather than the good of the organization

• When others are fixated on the way they have always done things instead of bringing a growth mindset

• When others have a negative mindset, complain or act manipulative

4. Self-Control

Leaders often have to repress or defer their own needs, desires, urges or emotions. This includes having self-control to withhold information or adjust leadership based on the audience. While many of us are aware of the need to exhibit self-control in leadership, we often don’t consider the impacts. It’s important to recognize that when you suppress your own needs and goals in service of others, it comes at a cost to your energy.  

5. Leader Isolation

Isolation is a challenging aspect of leadership with a lack of people to talk honestly to. The reality for top leadership roles is: you don’t have many peers, aren’t able to be as open, and it can be incredibly lonely without others to lean on regularly.

For example, one CEO expressed: “It was so stressful, not having any colleagues other than my direct reports. There was really no one to talk to. I went from having three peers at my level to not really having anyone.”

 Reflection: Which leadership drains do you experience regularly? How could this information help you better regulate your days?

How to Overcome Leadership Drains:

Having an awareness of these leadership drains can make it easier to be more intentional about regulating your energy throughout the day.

1. Block your calendar: Create the right structure for your schedule

To regain ownership of your day, it’s essential to create the right plan and structure for your schedule. Determine a schedule that works for and refuels you.  How to do it:

• Look at what Steven Covey refers to as your “Big Rocks” within your role: what are the important initiatives you need to create space for in your day, week, and month?

• Leadership involves periods of sprinting. Build in recovery time afterwards. Understand when and how sprints happen to make time to slow down after each one.

• Block your calendar to include: thinking/ planning time and transition time. Assess your schedule and ask yourself: is this serving me? Is this helping me show up at my best?

• Create time to transition from work to home, which is especially important if you work remotely. Give yourself space to reflect on the day and plan for the next day to create work closure before transitioning to your personal life.

Start small. If the first opening you have on your schedule is one hour on a Friday a month from now, then begin by blocking that time slot. You might have to look further out than you want to start blocking your calendar. These techniques often won’t work if you are only look at the next two weeks.

2. Build in time for connection the beginning of meetings

Start team or group meetings by adding in the opportunity for connecting and trust building, which is energizing. Being intentional about how you start meetings ensures everyone is more engaged and connected with each other.

This doesn’t mean asking a surface level question, like what is everyone’s favorite ice cream flavor. This time is intended to bring more clarity on how to work best together, create alignment for the meeting and/or give people the space to share how they are doing.

Suggestions on types of connecting topics:

• Ask questions to get to know each other’s ideal working styles or ideal ways of communicating.

• Bring in alignment of the vision and purpose: why we are here in this meeting and what you are hoping to get out of our time today.

• If it’s a stressful moment, be thoughtful about how you approach connecting to create space for people: “I know this is a really changing time. How are you all feeling coming into this meeting?”

• Check-in with everyone’s energy levels: high, average, low. 

3. Incorporate walking meetings into your schedule

Incorporating movement throughout the day is replenishing, benefiting not only your physical health but overall wellbeing. One intentional way to move more during your work day is to schedule walking meetings multiple times a week.

One psychological benefit to walking is a body in motion doesn’t allow the mind to stay stuck. Walking will literally change your perspective.

To incorporate walking meetings, plan ahead. Look at your day, week and month. Determine where you have 1-on-1s in the office and can update it to a walking meeting. When working remotely, look for opportunities to change video meetings to phone calls where you can go for a walk. It’s harder to do bigger meetings this way so focus on meeting with one other person.

Reflection: Start by taking one small step to overcome the leadership drains you face. What’s one action you want to take to regain ownership of your day?

When hidden, these drains can feel like unfamiliar obstacles for already worn-out leaders to face. However, once you acknowledge them, you can become the master of your own energy plan to utilize your resources most effectively. By understanding your internal resources, including, when they are getting depleted and how to refill them, you’ll better tap into leading from your full potential as a leader.