Why Asking for Help is a Gift
The new year can feel full of potential, with many of us embarking on something new. Examples include: cultivating a new habit, goal, or intention in your personal life; and as a leader, setting leadership development goals. However, it can also be isolating as we tend to keep new endeavors to ourselves. For example:
You haven’t told anyone about your personal goals at work, and have only shared with one or two people outside of work.
You haven’t shared your own leadership development focus and goals with your colleagues, team or anyone else who could support you.
Unfortunately, when we try to pursue new goals in isolation, we are less likely to succeed. This contributes to why 80% of people give up on their New Year’s resolutions one month into the year.
Why is that?
Behavioral change happens best with positive reinforcement. Yet, we often don’t build allyship around us. We can’t get positive reinforcement if we don’t tell anyone about our goals or ask for help.
If you want to increase the likelihood that you’ll meet your goals or intentions for 2024, first, share what you are doing with people you love, your colleagues and your team. Next, take it one step further and ask for help, reinforcement and feedback.
Importance of Leaning on Each Other
Building an environment of asking for and being willing to offer help improves your wellbeing and creates high performing teams.
While many of us want to offer help, individually, we can be reluctant to ask for help. We tend to hold back, telling ourselves excuses, such as: the other person’s plate is too full, I don’t want to be a burden, it feels too vulnerable, I can do everything myself, or I don’t need help. These assumptions are incorrect. They are flawed stories we tell ourselves. The truth is, you can’t do it all and you need help. In actuality, not only do most people want to help us succeed, helping others fosters our wellbeing.
What’s your relationship with asking for help? Consider the following:
Reflect on the last time someone asked you for help: how did it make you feel about yourself and the other person?
When was the last time you asked someone for help? If it’s been a while, consider what’s holding you back from seeking help from others.
In a team environment, we have a tendency to believe we need to have all the answers, be the best at everything and refrain from showing where we have opportunities. These are misperceptions as well. When team members all try to operate independently, there is less collaboration and it’s inefficient. In truth, one of the quickest ways to build trust in a relationship is through being vulnerable and asking for help.
A team where helping each other is the norm optimizes team members strengths, creating allyship where everyone lifts each other up and supports each other’s best selves. Additionally, when teams support each other, team members aren’t as prone to burnout due to taking on too much themselves.
Strategies to Ask for Help
Asking for help takes practice. So often, we are out of practice. Be courageous, as ultimately it will help all people involved. A simple way to start is by asking: What’s one thing that you could lean on others for?
Here are three strategies to help you practice asking for help and foster a team culture of giving.
Enroll others in your own development. It’s so powerful to enroll others because you are: asking for help, being vulnerable, building trust, and acknowledging others strengths. Publicly share responses to the following with your team and colleagues:
What are your leadership goals?
What are you trying to create momentum around?
How can you ask others for help?
How do you want others to positively acknowledge what you are focused on?
How could others give feedback when you don’t quite hit the mark?
2. Lead a helping circle exercise with your team. Spend time in a group setting where each person asks for help and shares one area where they could use help:
Provide structured time during a team meeting for each person in the group to respond to the following prompts: A) You can lean on me for… B) I need to lean on others for…
The leader of the team goes first to model asking for help. If the leader isn’t asking for help, no one else is going to.
Allow team members from the group to raise their hands and respond: “I can help you with that.”
3. Optimize everyone’s strengths. As I previously shared, understanding each other’s strengths and preferences builds team cohesion and organizational culture. Teams have increased clarity when they understand each other, how to work together more effectively, and how to lean on each other’s strengths. Reflection questions:
What’s the right use of my talents?
What can I easily let go of to ask others for support?
How could I leverage the different strengths of my team members? If you don’t know your team members strengths, check out my previous blog about Understanding your Personality.
Performing small acts of giving and kindness is one of the greatest contributions we can make to promote our wellbeing. Being of service to another cultivates meaning and gives you a greater sense of purpose.
This year, give yourself the gift of including others as you make progress on individual and team goals. Create an environment where team members feel like they can ask for and are willing to offer help. Lean on each other and positively reinforce what others are doing.
In teams, one plus one doesn’t equal two. It equals exponentially larger numbers. It’s the reason we come together as teams. When we lean on each other, using each other’s strengths, unique gifts and skill sets, we become so much greater than we would alone.